The Relationship Problems Haven’t Been Fixed and She Doesn’t Believe He Can Fix Them

3. The Relationship Problems Haven’t Been Fixed and She Doesn’t Believe He Can Fix Them

In most cases, a relationship doesn’t just break up at the first sign of trouble.

When a woman is feeling unhappy in her relationship with a guy, she will usually try different ways to let him know about it (e.g. becoming distant, throwing tantrums, nagging, complaining), in the hopes that he will then take action and fix the problems.

For example: If a woman feels that her guy is whining about his life like a victim (e.g. He might say something like, “My boss is always making me work late and he never appreciates what I do!” or “I’ll never be able to get a good job because I didn’t go to university”) she might then start pushing him to make some changes and saying things like, “Well, why don’t you stand up for yourself with your boss? Why do you let him push you around like that?” or “If you want a better job, why don’t you do something about it?”

When that happens, some guys will think, “Yeah, she has a point there,” and then immediately begin to take action and fix his problems.

The woman then notices that he is taking action to become a better man and her love for him grows even deeper.

That’s how a relationship gets stronger over time. The couple is always making progress and it never gets stale.

Yet, in most cases, rather than listen to what as she is trying to tell him, the guy will continue whining even more and he might say something like, “Look…you don’t understand. If I stand up to my boss he will fire me,” or “I just don’t have the money to go to university. Can’t you see that? I can’t do anything about my situation” and he continues behaving in the same old ways until his woman loses all respect and attraction for him and breaks up with him.

He might then start pleading with her and saying, “Please give me another chance. I promise you things will be different now,” but by that stage the woman doesn’t believe that he can change.

It’s also likely that he doesn’t even know what she really wants him to change and he’s hoping that she will tell him.

It would be nice if women did that for men, but that’s not the role that women want to take on in the life of men.

When in a relationship, a woman does not want to have to take on the role of teacher for her guy and explain to him how to be the real man that she (and every other women) wants and needs.

She wants him to figure things out by himself and then take action like a real man by making the necessary changes to his thinking and behavior.

When he does, she can then look up to him and respect him as her man again.

If he then asks her to get back together again, she will be open to the idea because she can see that he’s at a different level now.

However, if she gets a sense that he hasn’t changed, doesn’t even know how to change and is still the same guy that she broke up with, she’s just going to be saying, “No, I don’t want to do that.”

So, the first step to getting your ex’s respect and attraction back is to fully understand the real reasons why she broke up with you.

In that way, the next time you interact with her (e.g. on a phone call, or in person) you will be able to show her by the way you talk to her (not by telling her) and interact with her, that you truly understand where you went wrong in the relationship and are no longer the same guy that she broke up with.

When she can see for herself that you’re no longer avoiding making changes to yourself and are now a completely different man from the one she remembers, she won’t be able to hold on to her negative opinion about you for long.

She might initially feel skeptical and may say to herself, “I wonder if he’s really changed or if he’s just putting on a act to try and get me back? Is it possible that he is different now?”

Yet, when she interacts with you and sees that no matter what she says or does, you no longer behave, talk or react in the ways she expects you to.

For example:

• She expects you to whine and complain like you used to, but you’re now positive, focused and driven in life.
• She expects you to be nervous and insecure around her, but you’re confident, relaxed and emotionally strong now.
• She expects you to give up and walk away with your tail between your legs when she’s being cold and distant towards you, but you laugh at her attempts to push you away now.

All of that makes her drop her guard and feel more open and even happy to be interacting with you again.

She starts to feel that you’ve actually made the effort to see things from her point of view and she begins to feel respect and attraction for you again.

On the other hand, if you try to get her back without fixing the relationship problems first, then she will usually just continue saying no to dating you again.